The University Diaries: The Aftermath

August was insane, and it's taken me this long to feel coherent enough to start blogging again! I've said it a million times but I honestly do not know how other students can continue to blog through the end of their degree! It was, without a doubt, the hardest month of my life and I can't believe I actually did it. 


The University Diaries: The Month From Hell
The Month From Hell! 

As you can see, I barely had time to breathe let alone anything else. Stopping wasn't really an option as I knew I wouldn't be able to start again. The trouble with this, having a bipolar brain, is that I could very easily slip back into a manic/psychotic episode so everyone in my care team was very alert to the situation and monitoring me closely. But really, we just had to have faith that my medication would hold me in a secure, functional position this time. It was exactly this level of work that led to my hospitalisation in May so there was definitely an element of anxiety to all of this but my trademark stubbornness overruled that and absolutely nothing was going to stand in the way of me throwing everything I had at this. That's exactly what I did... and survived! There were a few scary moments where we thought I might be slipping but watching my diet, caffeine and sugar intake managed to ease it off somewhat. So, shout out to lithium and aripiprazole for this one! 

One of the biggest achievements was completing my dissertation. Something I never, ever thought possible and even when I started my degree journey I lived in fear of the time it would come and whether or not I'd be able to handle it. So I chose my own topic, something very close to my heart, which made the whole process a lot easier than it could have been. It was still brutal; there's nothing easy about writing what amounted to 9000 words, reading very complex texts about the minute details of the brain and attempting to understand it, then put that into your own argument... eurgh! 

The University Diaries: My Dissertation!
My Dissertation! 
I so rarely say this but oh my word, I am so proud of myself for this one! It's probably a pile of rubbish to seasoned academics but I wrote it, a dedicated a year of my life to it and submitted it on time, just 3 months post being hospitalised in a psychotic state! *self five*

So where am I at now? I feel completely lost! It's the most bizarre feeling in the world not to have any work to do. I'm still stuck in the mentality of August and had almost gotten used to the frantic pace of my life, so to suddenly crash down to nothingness is... odd. I'm glad it's over, pending results, but I also miss it already. It gave me purpose and now I'm just floating, even though I'm under strict orders to rest and recover. I'm already looking into Open University short courses to fill my time.

So there we are! That's where I've been and by the miracle of psychiatric medicine I survived!! Hopefully, I don't have resits but I think that's just too much to ask for. We shall see. D-Day is 19th September so cross your fingers and toes for me! 


Samantha Nicholls. Powered by Blogger.

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