The University Diaries: Burn Out

Oh hai there! It's been a while.... To be perfectly honest I don't know where the past 10 weeks have gone. Life, or more accurately my university schedule, has been relentless and as the title suggests I'm more than a little bit tired. 

via pinterest

This semester has been incredibly academically challenging and also one of the most exciting. I spent most of my time with BSMS (Brighton and Sussex Medical School) sharing their lectures, symposiums and tutorials. As a 'lowly' BSc student, this did not go over too well with some of the medical students who were clearly still riding an ego-trip and looked down upon us with such exasperation and frustration. This wasn't the case for all of them, thankfully, but something really needs to be done about this. Doctors are meant to have people skills, not a god complex. I could rant for days about the emotions I felt being surrounded by medical students but I'll leave that for another time.  

It was a 30 credit module, crammed into 9 weeks of teaching and closed with a brain dissection - I held brains in my hands and it was the most surreal moment of my life. Each credit is 10 hours worth of study, or thereabouts... and every 50 minute lecture was at least 40 slides deep... so now you know why I've been so quiet! I've had 2 other modules 15 credit modules which only account for 4 hours of lecture time a week and will finish in a couple of weeks. If you happen to be reading this and considering BSc Medical Neuroscience at Sussex, be warned! Haha!! 

I cannot explain just how much pressure I felt to really excel this semester, not just because this was one of very few chances I was going to get to show I can handle a medical subject at a BSc level. All of my modules are medically orientated this semester so I have been very engaged in everything I've had to read, but to be sitting exams with BSMS certainly gives you a push! I still haven't decided if graduate medicine is something I really want to do... but I fell in love with the teaching, the level of engagement and the atmosphere of the medical school and I'm so sad it's all over. 

Despite averaging over 70% this semester, I still feel absolutely clueless and have been relying so heavily on the support of my mentor to get me into a study schedule that works; so while I am able to retain information - chemistry aside, I hate chemistry - and perform in exams, it's come at the cost of my physical health. I have worked myself into the ground and everything hurts. 

There's a lot of other very stressful things going on in my personal life that I will talk about when I feel more able to share it, but suffice to say a lot of huge changes are coming and my mental health is also starting to show cracks under the strain of it all. I'm taking some much needed time away this weekend to visit my grandparents and I'm really looking forward to it. Sadly my revision has to come along as I have an exam looming but getting into a more peaceful environment will help immeasurably. 

I've said from day 1 that university has been the one thing holding me together, and it's become very apparent this semester that that is indeed the case. I have immersed myself in my subjects to escape the pain of everything else and the result has been one I did not expect. I just hope this trend continues for the rest of my degree. If I don't come out of this with a 1st I'll have failed, it's that simple. 

I'm trying to get back into the blogosphere, but finding the time or mental capacity to write is definitely lacking. My next update will be on Adventures in Psychiatry. I've got a LOT to talk about.

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