The University Diaries : year one, done... pending exams.

This is absolutely something I never thought I would be able to say.... I have finished my first year at Sussex University.

I don't know how..... I really don't.

All that's left is 3 exams, the first of which is on 28th May. I don't know how to define what I'm feeling right now. I mean, I know I am flat-out broken and exhausted beyond anything I've ever felt before but there's an odd sense of calm at the moment... mixed in with a LOT of tears ready to burst out of me and a weird elation/high/unbreakable feeling that I could conquer Everest right now.

So perhaps while my brain is all "whooooooop celebration tiiiiime" my body is definitely sending a very clear "calm the hell down" because absolutely nothing about me is functioning anymore. Perfectly illustrated by the past 24 hours.

I submitted my final piece of coursework - physics for neuroscience, yuck! - at 3.40pm. I sat outside the library completely numb, looking at the beautiful green campus coming into full bloom, I felt like I was going to either burst into tears or pass out from the overwhelming feeling of exhaustion crashing over me. Once I'd finished my Lucozade lite I went to get the bus home. That was the most difficult 30 minutes of my day. I could feel my system shutting down. I felt sick from being sat upright and the sheer brightness of the sun. Whenever I moved I thought I would black-out and hit the deck.

I got home incident free and went straight to bed... and haven't really moved since!

This afternoon I was lucky enough to spend a few hours with my boyfriends friend and his 18 month old son, Arthur. It's been a while since I've been around little ones of that age, and oh my word how I soon remembered! Absolutely nothing is safe!!! He met Lily and managed to really freak her out by squeaking at her, despite petting her really nicely... She fluffed up and started to hiss so she was shut in the bedroom to calm down until we took him to The Level - basically the only flat place in Brighton, hence the name.

By 4.30pm, we were back from the park and Arthur was on his way home for his dinner. I passed out on the sofa almost immediately. The boyfriend and I had planned to go out for tapas tonight as a sort-of celebration, but we're both utterly exhausted! It was so, so worth it though. Sadly, seeing him playing with Arthur did nothing to settle down the level of broodiness I'm in right now...

Anyway.

I have absolutely NOTHING TO DO between now and September.... It's a very weird feeling. For the past 12 weeks it has been a non-stop frenzy of what is due next and how long do I have and what books do I need and ohmygodpanicccccc. It's almost like being in the eye of the storm right now..... I know there's more coming in the form of exam revision but it's hardly the insanity I've just come through.

I feel sad that I can't work.... really sad. But I'm going to use this time to work my butt off at the day hospital and gain as many skills as I can so my next 2 years at Sussex are safe and a lot less despairing.

I don't know if anyone would like me to share the revision/study skills help I am getting from my mentor in the very near future? There is a LOT of CBT material coming once I have the energy to sit and write properly.

It's dawned on me that this 3 year undergraduate degree is going to pass by very, very quickly indeed and I need to start seriously thinking about the next step. Realistically I think a PhD is where I'm headed; with any luck I can stay on at Sussex. Why leave when I absolutely LOVE being a student at Sussex University!!!!! :)

How did you feel after your first year at uni? Are you leaving soon and sad or glad about it? If you could offer one piece of advice to prospective students, what would it be?

Samantha Nicholls. Powered by Blogger.

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