I'm still here!!!!!

Ohhhhhhhh how guilty do I feel....

I made no secret of the fact I've been rather poorly of late, and that's exactly why I stopped posting, but I honestly never expected it to be this long.

Sowwiiiiii!!!!! 

So. What's been going on?! 

I think in my last post I said that I had an assessment with the CBT service 'Time to Talk' coming up. Well that assessment was incredibly hard and draining in every single way. I was 100% honest, which is terrifying because I never know if I'll be believed or not. Thankfully, the therapist I spoke to was absolutely wonderful and made me feel completely comfortable and safe. Sadly, she had to refer me on to the manager/senior therapist because of some stuff I said and it ended with an emergency referral to the mental health service. They called me 2 hours later. 

Less than a week later I was called by the day hospital and had a meeting with the senior therapist I spoke with on the phone and a senior occupational therapist - who actually looked after me when I first came into services at 18, it was so awkward - and endured the most intense hour of questioning I've ever been through. 

They're concerned about me. They believe me. What I talked about is plastered all over my notes right from the start. I knew the situation I was in and was somewhat prepared for admission to the acute unit to be suggested or even forced on me. 

Thankfully it didn't come to that. 

The day hospital operates on group therapy. Groups of people TERRIFY me in a way I can never explain clearly enough. I think in the assessment I compared it to holding a tarantula. But then backed up and said I'd rather do groups than the spider a hundred times over. They laughed. 

They understood my fears and why they were there. We reached a compromise of starting with art group, which is very quiet and is just an hour to get used to doing a task and being around people again really. There is a time limit of 6 weeks here. That's fine. After that I have to progress onto something related to stress management before a programme called STEPS starts. This is based on DBT and I'm hoping it'll help me manage the urges and thoughts to self harm or drink. That's the idea anyway. 

I've been to one session of art already. There were only 3 other patients there, and two therapists. Very quiet. 

I'm still fighting with this fatigue BS. My sleep right now is crazy, 12+ hours a day. I hate it. I can't cook anymore. I can't concentrate for very long at all without severe consequences. It's just...... shit. 

On the up-side; I got a new phone! The iPhone 4s. Siri is so funny. I had to pay £69 for the phone to stay on my £31 a month contract. To get the iPhone 5 it'd have cost me £250. No way was I paying that!!!! Maybe in the near future I'll show you some of the stuff he's been coming out with. 

The boyfriend and I had a trip to Bannatynes Hotel and Spa over the Valentines weekend. It was wonderful!!! We'll definitely be going back and I highly recommend it. 

So there we are. 

I'm knackered now!!! But I'll try to update more often and not talk utter crap. 
Samantha Nicholls. Powered by Blogger.

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